i got a pain in tha shoulda!

Recently my shoulder’s kinda been hurting me and I’ve been convinced that it’s because I sleep on my stomach with my hands above my head and scrunch my shoulders. So I’ve tried like, 2 times for 10 seconds each to sleep on my back. Booooring.

THEN last night I had a clouds-open-anvil-falls-on-head revelation while I was out. My purse! This is so obvious.  I bought a Marc Jacobs bag in July that I really like a lot (and bought for 50% off) and so I pretty much use it every day.  It’s also fairly big, I guess. It doesn’t seem huge, comparatively, but I guess it’s big enough to carry a lot. And I do.

So I weighed it.

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9 lbs!!!

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That’s far too many pounds. You say “hey girl, what you got in that bag…that makes it weigh that many pounds? You got some gold bars in there? Planning an all night disco bowling party?” No I am not. I just like to be prepared.

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Surely I can justify the wallet and the moleskine and my ipod and camera and phone and maybe even the I Love NY lighter.  And understand that I do not take my makeup bag with me everywhere I go- I’m not so vain.

But…

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Four lipglosses? Really? And a lipstick?
A tampon is a prudent item to carry around and I reserve my right to carry a giant Sharpie for an impromptu bathroom bar tagging.
No, I do not carry a cup of soup everywhere I go, but it’s winter.  People need a healty snack y’all.
A brand new toothbrush? I dunno.
Gum. Okay.
Boogie Ice gum that my brother brought me from South America. Crucial.  Almost as crucial as a pair of wax lips Hailey gave me around Halloween.
Hmm a pen, a nail file, earrings, a ring, matches, hair clip, headband, awesome paperback book (Seriously, have you read the Secret History? It’s really good and entertaining and one of the main characters’ name is a guy named Bunny.)

Anyways, I plan to lighten my load. But I’m sure I’ll regret it when I don’t have the exactly right shade of reddish-pink lip product and I’m sure you will be downtrodden when I have no low-cal potato leek soup to offer you when you’re starving.  Nor wax lips. Do you eat wax lips? They’re wax, right? Gross. gotta go.

-blouseparty

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4 responses to “i got a pain in tha shoulda!

  1. subjectverbobject

    I’ve read this a few times and I keep coming to the same conclusion: why don’t I have a Marc Jacobs bag?

  2. Crunk Petrol Palin

    Maybe the Insta-Noodles or whatever the thing with the green lid is much, but hey, you never know when there’s gonna be a snacky emergency.

  3. Nine pounds? Pathetic. Call me when you get a real bag. When I hauled my laptop around I routinely topped 16 lbs. And when I was in school? Oh, wow. That actually sucked. My abs are still a little lopsided.

    Unless that’s a tumor.

    Oh well.

  4. Jesus Christ, woman! That’s more than I have in MY purse. The only thing you’re missing are the taters. Shiiiit.

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