Fake Plastic Shoes


Once upon a few summers ago, I had the coolest damn pair of shoes made of plastic. Surely you’ve seen them. They’re by Melissa. And they’re pretty inexpensive…for they’re make of plastic.
Also of note, these little darlings smell exactly like fruity erasers.

Like these.






They aren’t particularly breathable (which I figure is why they’ve added the fruity eraser smell) but they’re comfortable and I would like to have them in every color starting now. 

These are they.

Total Barbie shoe, yah?

Except mine were perfectly shiny beige. 






Foolishly I wore these beloved shoes to a wedding of a college friend in California. A wedding that I attended with a group of dudes.

q. What do you do at a wedding of a college friend?
a. You get drunk.

q. What happens when drunk you attends a wedding with a group of dudes? 
a. You make out with one of them.

q. Where does this smooching take place?
a. On the beach (and…er…on the mouth?)

q. What do you remove when you’re on the beach, because you think you’re going to make out in the ocean, which proves to be a crazy idea because it’s freezing as all get out even though it’s summer, that also happen to blend really well into sand in the evening and since you’re so consumed with kissing this fellow you forget to put them back on as you run back to where the rest of your friends are?
a. Your goddamn plastic shoes!

q. Who sympathizes with you when you tell thee gaggle of dudes about your loss the next day?
a. None.

Sure, they’re still out there, and one day I will replace them, I imagine. But there’s no beige to be found, and it’s possible I’m still in mourning??

Oh, and don’t forget about this new style…super hotsie! See them all please!



Whatever you do, I implore you not to make the same mistake as I. You will regret it forever, and the boy you made out with will forget all about you and continue to live in California, shoes unscathed.



p.s. Locally (in Portland), you can get Melissa shoes at Pin Me and (I think still) at Seaplane.


One response to “Fake Plastic Shoes

  1. I lurve mine! Night Spots. But you’re right, they totally don’t breathe. That’s my only complaint because my feet tend to sweat a little. Gross, I know….

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