blame it on the henney?

i mean it when i say that i’d probably rather throw up upon myself (unladylike!) than see this movie.

that’s not completely rude, i don’t think.

-blouseparty

things to laff and such

What up frands…I went to Bridgetown Comedy Fest this weekend, and enjoyed that jam! Well, I enjoyed every day apart from Saturday which found me in bed all day due to my excessive party gene, which reared its charming head on Friday (caused me to be chastised by a couple comedians, both performing and observing, for talking during a couple sets).  Oopsie. At least I wasn’t heckling?

Anyway, I missed a couple of the bigger names I wanted to see, but saw some great sets at Mt. Tabor, the BOG patio, and the continuous run of people taking the stage at the Tanker.

If you give a damn you should check out these joke-tellers if you don’t already know of  them…hopefully you won’t have to wait until next year’s festival. Aaaaaand hopefully you won’t have to go to Harvey’s (or you’ll finally have a good reason to?) I shall provide you with a picture of the performer in order to engage beyond the point that words might, but I ain’t posting a ton of You Tube videos or anything, so click the links if you know what’s good for thee…

Hannibal Burress was pretty hilarious. Jessie wanted to do him. But she didn’t. He gave me shit for talking at the Tanker. I apologized!

he greets you

Dave Hill told a hilarious tale of gay socks. He’s from New York. I recommend!

lavish comedian lifestyle

Natasha Leggero…surely you’ve seen her on tons of things. She is funny! And a woman!
(she’s also a part of some comedy crew i’ve heard of before, called Pretty Funny Women which honestly, I find a lame concept, but whatevs, she’s funny)

pretty awesome

I was a little starstruck by Andy Blitz. Come on!

guy!

Richard Bain is pretty hee-larious and a total coolman…he lives this city. You should see him…somewhere…sometime!

you party?

Holly Mills was really, really, really funny in a super appealing understated “nerdy girl” way. I didn’t say it. She did.

funnylady

Andy Haynes is funny and from Seattle and we three found him a bit dashing as well! Gracious!

young man in plaid shirt, you guuuuuuys!

Alex Koll offered wizardly appearance and sang a goddamn catchy song about Dad amnesia.

right?

There were many many more including this guy John Ryan who caused me to nearly die.  He’s pretty elusive on the interweb, but I came upon this video. Dry as a damn desert. I love it.

Anyway, I’ve heard enough masturbation/porn jokes to last me a lifetime, so thank you every single male comedian. I don’t need to see any more pelvic thrusts on stage for…ever?
Janeane Garafalo was funny and told some giiiiiiirl jokes so I could relaaaaaate y’all!  Jessie stopped her on the sidewalk and professed her love. Dear.

go blazers?

-blouseparty

Slow, Steady, Race

So if I brought up “Slow and Steady Wins the Race” you’d be all like “Yeah Lauren- tortoise, hare, etc. Booooring. Enough with your old-timey adages, why don’t you go ahead and take it to a young child’s nursery center because I’m clearly over the age of 6 and have heard. that. shit. be. fore.”

And I’d be like “Whoa bud, cool it.”

Or you’d be like” Psh yeah, Lauren they’ve only already done 19 collections…how far out of the experimental small run fashion loop do you think I am?  I totally already know that they take classic and/or iconic designs or items and kind of turn them upside down, causing you to think and appreciate them in a new way.

And I’d be like “Whoa bud, you might consider cooling it.”

And THEN I would talk to you about how they’ve done a collaboration with Portland’s dear old Stand Up Comedy, boutique of killer-ness, comprised of gear for rainy weather. And you’d be like “do what??”

Yeah man, check it out…

This one is clearly my favorite. $150. Totally appropriate.

hooded and wearable in different ways. hot.

A couple Unisex styles, with a few limited edition pieces (with gold crochet drawstrings (and extra cost) by Arielle de Pinto. Beautiful touch.

totally practical

classic poncho style

These styles are all available in red, black, khaki, and natural and like most SSWTR styles, are $100.

There’s also this gem of a trenchcoat for $300.

fanciful

This line also has some waterproof shoes…

perfect...surely

hella jaunty

Alright, I can’t just post pictures of the entire line, but you must also see this Faux Fox Stole. I love it.

cute cute, wooden flute

Also, please observe these handbags if you haven’t already, and acquaint thyself with why this line is the jam.

'the new bag' handle

'the bag'

These bags are available at Totokaelo for $150 and $100 respectively.

The rain gear line is all available at Stand Up Comedy on East Burnside. SSWTR usually makes runs of just 100 of an item, but I’m not sure about these pieces. Get ‘em while you can!

I gotta go outside now!

-blouseparty

answer ya telephone…

Oh things, how I’ve missed thee.

Last weekend my buds gathered to celebrate Jessie’s new home (skål!) and she had an “old” telephone handset that I hilariously mocked talking upon for a few seconds and then managed to convince a couple pals who hadn’t yet arrived that it was an actual handset to my cellphone (ahem, jim and kate).  I told them I bought it at Urban Outfitters. Right?

Anyway, during my completely side-splitting tomfoolery I did notice that the phone felt quite sturdy and comforting as I held it between my ear and shoulder, which I guess you can do with cellphones, but they’re clearly not as big and I’m always pushing buttons mistakenly and get makeup all up on the screen.  Plus, I’ve often wished I still had a landline so I could again have an old timey cute phone.  But I don’t need a landline, you know?

So when I saw this little gem this morn, I enjoyed a good chortle at the absurdity that it’s a real thing not just a foolish joke to pull upon friends, and then I thought “hmmm, do I need this?”

and it's radiation free, thank god

Mmmm, it look hearty doesn’t it? I mean, it seems like something that a stupid person would spend money on, but well, this gold one is pretty damn hot.

Am I right?

It’s made by YUBZ (Why You Busy?) who apparently make only this product and I guess it actually does cut down on radiation. Since I always only talk on the phone right next to the microwave while constantly boiling water, this doesn’t really matter to me (plus hello, 2012 is only 3 years away) but one Emil Snizek might be interested.

And they totally do sell it (a wireless version!) at Urban Outfitters. Typical.

across the pond

Listen, I’ve been unemPLOYED! I haven’t had the TIME to update with stylish thingers.
Alright, I have. But I haven’t.

But I will when I return from England!

By the skine of a mole

Everyone loves a Moleskine.  It’s like the Slinky of the…erm…notebook world? Right. Slinky of the notebook world. Sure. Everyone knows that.

Yah.

Well, anyway Moleskines are great.  It’s one of my fav gifts to give.  A nice clean notebook? Excellent.
They’ve been made in different textures, different fabrics, different colors, and recently I bought a little colored set of the soft notebooks at New Seasons. Weird.  Double weird is that I saw them for sale at Nordstrom over the holidays.  In the handbag section.  Puzzling.
And lots of people have found ways to spruce up the basic Moleskine, as you can see here.

My favorite is from Portland company Engrave Your Tech, who do KILLER laser engraving projects on your laptops, ipod, iphones, or what have you (please god check it out), and were engraving Moleskines with work from various artists for a while there under the side-project-name engrave your book.
They were hot.
See?

 

Come to find out that engraving the PVC cover creates toxic gases. Dang killjoy toxic gases at it again.
But we were promised an alternative and I’ve been waiting with bated breath since I foolishly never got around to purchasing one the first time, and the time has come.
Care to take a gander?

I’m a pretty big fan of this saw image:

Saw by Dan Funderburgh

 As well as this simple leaf pattern:

 

Leaves by the Mountain Label

Not to mention this dreamy dreamscape:

 

Dreamscape by Alisha Wessler

 

 

 There are many more! Check them here please!

They’re all leather and US made and have the proper design on the inside so you may still utilize the features of your Moleskine that you love (plus a little card pocket!)

 

neatneatneat

 

As of right now, they’re just available for $60 for the pocket size Mole-y, but come February there will be a larger version.

Also, they can do custom covers if you fancy yourself a bit of an artist. Surely you do!

I love this company…check out all their other awesome work here on their blog…www.engraveyourtech.com

 

-blouseparty

 

p.s. they also produce some jewels that I love (and blogged about) from the Opulent Project.  

love it.

things neither to love nor such

So far this 2009:

1. Someone tried to steal my car. I think they got away with about $0.41 and did about $700 worth of damage to my car.  Thieves are not that thoughtful. I do not have $700.

2.  I got laid off from my job. New parent company in California eliminates Portland office…you know, where the company started.  Tale as old as time, I suppose.  Like Romeo and Juliet.

3. I develop intense sickness 2 days prior to fun birthday festivities. Head full of snot and many coughings.  I’m eating zinc and going though toilet paper like it’s…toilet paper. I hope to be able to taste food at birthday dinner with boyfriend at Beast.

Things to love:

1. My roommate who makes me tea and listens to me blow my nose at 2 minute intervals and who drove me everywhere while my car was not driveable.

2. My beau who brings me soup and says cheesy things about my being cute while i’m sick and also drives me everywhere.

3. NyQuil

-blouseparty

bff

this is the jam:

 

Appropriately cheeky, I think.  $220 from NYC company In God we Trust.  Many cute garments and other jewels.  I gotta visit the store when I’m in NYC in march. yay!
-blouseparty

lace thy neck

Don’t tell me you didn’t see that picture of Drew Barrymore the other day with her newly bleach blonde hair and didn’t say “the necklace, oh god, the necklace.”

Because that is what I did. But one must assume she spent $500 on it, in order to properly wealthily contrast with her “vintage tee” and “raybans” and “black jeans.” So I immediately took to the interweb to find an appropriately priced substitute.

I found one on Urban Outfitters for $34, but whoa the one that looked like Ms. Barrymore’s is totally gone and sold out now…dang power of celebrity! The ones left look less glassy and sleek and more day-camp project or if-a-native-american-fortune-teller-owned-a-jewelry-business (which actually might be a great idea).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next in the thought process was that “balls, I could totally party on the bead loom and make one of these in a jif.” Which, maybe I could but it also sounds kinda boring.

No wait.

I’ve decided it’s totally appropriate.  It wouldn’t take that long and it certainly would cost less than the $295.00 that Fiona Paxton’s beautiful necklace is selling for at Barney’s.  OR even the $205.20 for which it’s sold at UK Webstore Nina and Lola.

But it shore is lovely.

Check out her other necklaces too:

And this super-hottie collar type necklace which caused me to kind of shriek with delight when I saw it.  Well, I like pretty things. Sorry.

I’ve just decided that maybe they are worth $200.  They surely take a long while to make. I approve.

 

-blouseparty

 

One more thing.  There was a segment on The Today Show this morning about how fake luxury handbags and shit like, cause terrorism and support child labor and take American jobs (you know, all those European handbags made in America?) and everything that we know to be bad in the world.  And I totally believe that and am surely not interested in gaudy fake designer bags in the slightest, but screw you, overpaid TV personalities and bourgie fashion editors.  

I’m glad you’re totally loaded enough to sit here and have this dialogue about the importance of people not buying fake $4,000 handbags or even fake $300 handbags or $200 Nikes that your fashion magazines and tv shows place importance upon and spread and trickle down that influence to middle Americans (or not even) who cannot begin to afford a silly Kate Spade or LV handbag but want to feel like they just might have their finger on the pulse of something, even if it was popular 10 years ago.  You’re responsible for their desire! You’re responsible for that “need!” You may not be sewing up the shitty bags or stealing the print, or yelling at the tiny kids to sew faster, but you totally created it.

So I guess it’s good that Bazaar started this campaign (fakesareneverinfashion.com) to maybe accept some responsibility, but it’s still annoying to listen to the top 10% being like “Don’t buy fakes, poor people.” 

Also maybe you should tell Louis Vuitton that he (you know, Louis) shouldn’t burn the seasonal bags that aren’t sold at the end of a season instead of putting them on sale because he doesn’t want the “sale” stigma.  Seems rude. And kind of a slap in the face.  ”Oh, you want this bag? Well I could put it on sale so you still wouldn’t be able to afford it, buuuut nah, I’d rather burn it.”

lindy

My mom was badass…for the record.

 

-blouseparty

Mobile party at the door

I totally like art that’s good.
I especially like it when it’s…creative and I guess I probably admire an artist a lot when they think and create something that I probably couldn’t.

However, it’s also rad when somebody takes something that’s normal and familiar and turns it into this cool art piece that would never occur to you even though it’s so simple.  This isn’t a groundbreaking thought I’m having, but it’s cool to be reminded of- it can be motivating.

SO. I’ve been into feathers lately and wanting to incorporate them into lots of things, but don’t actually make that many things in the end.
But I was looking at Stand Up Comedy’s online store today and saw these feather mobiles from an artist named Joanna Bean from LA. She makes lovely things.

Super pretty and ethereal right?

And I think the feathers she uses are probably from wild birds and are really pretty and more expensive than the ones I picked up at Michael’s several months back, but I thought I should give it a go.
Imitation=flattery, right?

Here’s my 2-hour attempt at my own mobile…

Not totally shabby yeah? Mildly shabby, but not entirely! Also not worth $150 (I will totally sell this to you for $150 and send Joanna Bean $50.  Possibly $75)

But it was fun.  I also made a chocolate cake using a can of diet coke. A productive evening to say the least!

Buy things from Stand Up Comedy!!! It’ll be fun.

-blouseparty

sexirony

You know what needs a little sexing up?
The ironing board.
It seems so obvious now that I’ve said it, right?
It just sits  (stands) there taking up space that could be filled with something titillating. How depressing!

So the sexy ironing board cover has been a long time coming.  Actually, the one that we’ve begun to employ at my home is from 1988  so clearly someone was thinking about this decades ago!

hunk hunk hunk

it seems like his name is Bruce

Pretty spectacular, yah?  I know.  His necklace, his boots, his…measuring tape. Classy.

Ours was purchased by Hailey at a thrift store, but worry not- I have scoured the internet to find you some sexy for your ironing board as well.

Introducing Mark B…

a steal at $19.99

You don’t care for a strapping young gentleman?

How about a buxom beauty?

dios mios!

Go ahead and click through the pics to make the purchase.

In this holiday season, my wish for you is that your ironing boards may never be prudeish again.

-blouseparty

i got a pain in tha shoulda!

Recently my shoulder’s kinda been hurting me and I’ve been convinced that it’s because I sleep on my stomach with my hands above my head and scrunch my shoulders. So I’ve tried like, 2 times for 10 seconds each to sleep on my back. Booooring.

THEN last night I had a clouds-open-anvil-falls-on-head revelation while I was out. My purse! This is so obvious.  I bought a Marc Jacobs bag in July that I really like a lot (and bought for 50% off) and so I pretty much use it every day.  It’s also fairly big, I guess. It doesn’t seem huge, comparatively, but I guess it’s big enough to carry a lot. And I do.

So I weighed it.

9 lbs!!!

That’s far too many pounds. You say “hey girl, what you got in that bag…that makes it weigh that many pounds? You got some gold bars in there? Planning an all night disco bowling party?” No I am not. I just like to be prepared.

Surely I can justify the wallet and the moleskine and my ipod and camera and phone and maybe even the I Love NY lighter.  And understand that I do not take my makeup bag with me everywhere I go- I’m not so vain.

But…

Four lipglosses? Really? And a lipstick?
A tampon is a prudent item to carry around and I reserve my right to carry a giant Sharpie for an impromptu bathroom bar tagging.
No, I do not carry a cup of soup everywhere I go, but it’s winter.  People need a healty snack y’all.
A brand new toothbrush? I dunno.
Gum. Okay.
Boogie Ice gum that my brother brought me from South America. Crucial.  Almost as crucial as a pair of wax lips Hailey gave me around Halloween.
Hmm a pen, a nail file, earrings, a ring, matches, hair clip, headband, awesome paperback book (Seriously, have you read the Secret History? It’s really good and entertaining and one of the main characters’ name is a guy named Bunny.)

Anyways, I plan to lighten my load. But I’m sure I’ll regret it when I don’t have the exactly right shade of reddish-pink lip product and I’m sure you will be downtrodden when I have no low-cal potato leek soup to offer you when you’re starving.  Nor wax lips. Do you eat wax lips? They’re wax, right? Gross. gotta go.

-blouseparty

fatty

This is a pleasant sight to see when you come home…

 

Ain’t nothin like a shoebox and a cat!  I won a little contest at Solestruck.com and got some super cozy white slippers and other goodies. Yip!

 

-blouseparty

Is December 1st yet?

I think it must be the new house I’m in and the fact that it’s just askin to be decorated for ye olde holidays, but I’m just super pumped for “holiday season” this year.

So is it a crime to love this?

 

pink tinsel tree!

Boring old “real” trees do smell really good, but your pets are always fuckin around with it and the needles go everywhere and you never get it ready to throw out by the time those nutty boy scouts come to collect, so it sits on the side of your house like a major fire hazard for a year until NEXT christmas when you swear that you’ll get the next tree down in time and dispose of them at the same time.  Good luck!

-blouseparty